Last night (or rather hours past midnight) as I lay awake (unable to fall asleep) I wondered if a person could will themself to die.

I could never take my own life because I've lost two friends to suicide and know the anguish that loved ones left behind have to deal with.  I know there is grief and mourning to go through when a someone you love dies; but if it were a natural death there would not be the added despair of wondering "could I have stopped this."  So, that's why I wonder . . . can one will themselves to die.

I know there are people around this world who are in living, emotional and mental conditions far worse than mine. I know do that what I am feeling in this moment might be temporarily set aside as I go through my day today.  I know my situation has a very likely chance of changing evidentually.

But, still, I wonder (I don't yet know if I can say "I wish"), can one will themself to die.

I closed me eyes as I thought about this just hours ago still awake in my bed and thought that perhaps if I just put all other thoughts out of my mind and think of nothing but willing myself into a deep sleep from which I wouln't awake I could do it.

I have people around me who love me.  Yet all this is triggered by a person who decided he no longer loved me.  I'm grieving the loss of a relationship.  Experiencing the pain of a broken heart; which I know (given time) will heal.

But for right now I wonder . . .